Friday, 30 January 2009

but I've seen that all before, in tv books and films and more, and there's a happy ending

I have to do this post, because I said I would. so, er, yeah.

In my life, I have:

- had a dinner party in a field.

I know, I know, what I'm wearing is actually awful. Awful. And it doesn't look all that much like a dinner party, more like a gathering of people around a failtable with doritos and cheap limeade. But we did have a chicken as well. TWO chickens, in fact. Which everyone failed at carving for a while. And a tub of mayonnaise. Let me make this clear: it was not a pot of mayonnaise. Oh no. It was a tub. Mayonnaise that had been taken from the pot, and put into a tub, just for us. And the same with radish (although radish has never come in a pot, I believe...), and tomatoes. I don't know, there was salad. It was an epic, epic day, none the less.

"Once we had a Dinner Party in Vauxhall fields. I call it a dinner party, basically we set up a table and 7 chairs - there were 8 guests, but I was only expecting 7, so laura had to sit on the floor, even though she wasn't the unexpected one - next to a tree and then we had doritos and bread and a roast chicken from somerfield which looked kind of like a dead chicken carcass, mainly because that is exactly what it was. Chicken is very nice but not especially so when it looks like that. We also had some wraps and some salad and there was mayonnaise, not a whole jar of it because, well I don't know why, but there was just a big tub of it which soobuck brought up because she's nice like that. And then we just ended up with rubbish all over the fields and dogs chasing it around while we tried to pick it up and then we walked into Mr Cowton and he asked us what we were doing and we told him we were having a dinner party in a field and he looked at us as if we were freaks, which, looking back on this incident, we are."

- attached small men, made from plastic cutlery, to places in Monmouth.

this was actually epic - although, yes, I do realise how entirely retarded it sounds.. I just rather liked that there were people staring at them when we left. I don't really recall why, but it was just a good day. Summer is always good. This was the same day as Catherine ate sushi. Also good times. :)

Tuesday, 7 August 2007

#83 - cutlery adventures - update.

today, I re-visited the cutlery men, and will now give you a full report:

Cutlery man 1 - Bridges community center, drybridge park:
Missing. seriously, we looked everywhere. He was nowhere to be found. I'd like to assume he's in a better place.

Cutlery men 2, 3 & 4 - seesaw, chippie:
Found. In the bloody bin. They were in the BIN! It took me an hour to make them.. and they're in the bin. some people saw me and tish taking photos of them in the bin. Made me laugh :)

Straw man 1 - Hanging from new monnow bridge:
Still in place. Will update tomorrow.. he may well be there forever.

Straw man 2 & Straw pig - Tree stump by river monnow:
Still in place, if a tad upside-down (:

Straw man 3 - Lifesaving post, river monnow:
Still in place.. success!

Straw man 4 - river:
I don't have a clue. he's probably still floating away.
(from my ridiculously old blog. eugh eugh eugh, it's full of tard, please don't read it)

- Gone to a pokemon convention (just to say I had)

This was.. ermm.. interesting? I was trying to do something new every day this point, and clearly, running out of ideas. I think this photo was of someone dressed as a pokemon - I thought they were dressed as a retarded dead christmas tree. They could just as plausibly have been dressed as a paper cone, though..

I liked pokemon when it originally was popular. The thing is, at the time I was about 7. I mean, I was pretty obsessed.. but I was 7. So it was not really a big deal for me. It's not like I would actually go somewhere, just for pokemon. I had a couple of gameboy games, sure, and I had a couple of hundred pokemon cards (oh dear, that's quite a lot actually), but I'd never been to a pokemon convention before. I was invited - half-jokingly - by haz, who was going with rhys and rhys's friend, jack. Somehow, I think that none of them actually expected me to come, I mean, I don't actually LIKE pokemon.. nor do I have any pokemon games.. or know anything about pokemon whatsoever.

- Gone out, wearing five jumpers, three coats, six pairs of tights. (and a skirt and shoes, but that isn't quite so important.)

I don't believe I have any old blog posts for this one - how disappointing. anyway, it was really rather very extremely cold at this point, but we still decided to go out. Spent quite a while in waitrose, while I decided to get changed so that my purple jumper was ON TOP of the three coats, instead of underneath (whattttt, it was the best one, alrighhttt?). Everyone else was completely wasted, as usual. I almost miss that madness, it was brilliant, just sort of sitting in chippy park at the start of the night, surrounded by drunkards with us only ever drinking yazoo. We got searched by police once, "what's in the bag, girls? wouldn't your parents be disappointed if they knew you were drinki- oh. it's really just sweets." It was excellent. And once I brought a cake, but I think Jamie Batty threw it at everyone. Oh, I don't know. They were good(ish) times, none the less.

- gone into school dressed as a goth. (for hallowe'en themed day, not because im well gofff like)


I know, I know, we failed so very much at this. Really. But I couldn't care less, it was bloody excellent. Awwh, I miss Hazel. I believe we had retarded year sevens yelling at us, that day? I'm not sure. Actually, yes, 'cause this is the day my neighbours decided I was 'well emo, what a freak'. Ohh, good times. I believe the whole blodge lesson was spent applying that make-up. Waiit, was it blodge? It couldn't have been blodge, balmer was actually worth listening to. Physics! that's what it was. Because we had a supply teacher, who had a ridiculously shiny head. Yeeees. Ahahhaha.

- Went into school dressed like retards (apparently this happens a lot).


I don't really remember the reasoning behind this. OHhh wait, yes I do. Hazel had a book on japanese fashion, there was a non-uniform day coming up, and harajuku was in there. So we sort of attempted harajuku, and failed really, really epicly. But still, it was great. I believe my favourite name from that day was "rainbow pixie shit". This was when the year 7s stopped being convinced I was a goth and...

My second favourite is probably when I am in a holding room for exams, welsh ftw, and all the year 7s walk past and one of them happens to be my neighbour, and he stands in the doorway yelling "RAIIINNBBOOOWWW" (my neighbour calls me rainbow because he used to think I was a goth until I pointed out that I dress like a rainbow most of the time, when I pointed that out he started calling me rainbow and I really should have seen that coming, but I didn't. I suppose rainbow is better than goth anyway, right? It's a more accurate description I suppose.)

- Electro fails and a goth slut. (yeah, a lot of these appear to be more 'how we were dressed' than 'what we did'. Just leave it, alright? just leave it. it's sane.)

I believe we were originally intending upon going to some form of gig dressed like this? but then we realised that all the bands that were playing were utter shit (I'm looking at you, red exit girl), and we'd probably be killed if we went out dressed like that anyway. So basically we just took photos. Apparently, photos including my retarded dog. I loved this one, just for Catherine's expression. That make-up took hours. Really.

- Attended a camping party...

As I recall, me, Laura, and Cat spent the first part of the night dancing to whatever retarded chav music was playing, while unbeknown to us, rhys was being ill. Then Cat had an allergic reaction to the nuts in the curry. We were a nightmare. Hazel and Rhys went home at about 2am? And the rest of us were sat in the attic, looking down on everyone else and being mildly amused by their existance.. we woke up in the morning with our tent half blown over on top of us (we were woken by the sound of people laughing, as they walked past the failtent), and then we had ben and jerry's cookie dough for breakfast, because sugar puffs were far too much effort. Also, I'm pretty sure I was only wearing that skirt because I COULDNT TAKE IT OFF. seriously. I bought it in asda, then I tried it on and realised that it was far, far, too small. And it wouldn't come off without taking my jeans off first. Which I wasn't going to do, in the middle of asda. (as it happens, I'm wearing that skirt now :) ) But yeah, it was pretty epic.

- utterly retarded dress up dayyy. (yeah, again! leave me be, goshhh)

ahh this was excellent. We just got really bored after some form of exam (english, possibly?) and got dressed up. Caitlin as a bandit. All others as tards (Tom and Catherine as normal people D< ) - it was actually fantastic.
if you would like to know what I am wearing at this moment, well. I am wearing a sombrero, (lets work our way down shall we, it'll be quite good. I think you'll like it, because I do.) with four hairbands attached, one of which has reindeer antlers and tinsel. A random hairclip in my fringe, I say hairclip but it is more like a hairdresser's hairclip than a pretty one, then I am wearing some glasses which are retarded because they're not actual glasses, I don't need glasses you see so it would be silly for me to be wearing actual glasses. They are just frames and some plastic really, catherine owns them so you can't blame me. There are numerous randomly placed hairgrips in my hair, and one attached to the hat. I have 'YAY' written on my nose, only it's backwards because I wrote it in a mirror. I realise that yay is a palindrome, but the Ys are backwards, and slanty. It's weird. This is written in gold eye crayon, then red lipstick, then red lipliner and pink eyeliner. On my eyes, I have one blue-eyeshadowed-eye, and one pink one. You can't see the pink one. I have a churchy ceremonyy hairgrip in my fringe, and my top is red and unimportant. two randomly coloured bead necklaces, two scarves tied around my waist, a giant blue belt. A pink dappy hat is tied onto the giant blue belt, as is a giant bendable fake flower.. thing. A ra-ra skirt, and pirate boots. Finally, I have a pirate finger puppet.
I realise that this entirely removes any statement I have made about sense of style, but it is brilliant nonetheless, I enjoy reactions that I get. I think my favourite was possibly the child in waitrose who grabbed her mother's arm and yelled "LOOK AT THE FUNNY GIRL :D ". Mr Pearson said that we are not people, though he probably could have said that before I was dressed like this, so it is not really that much of a reaction. The ice-cream man, I may have mentioned him before, in fact I certainly did because I recall having spent a paragraph mumbling about why I like the ice cream man and what my favourite ice creams to buy are, I may have done so in a slightly more interesting manner than that but that is a summary and summaries are basically always boring. Yeah. So anyway, the ice cream man almost refused to give me my ice cream, I say refused but I mean that he was laughing too much at my face to reach into the freezer and get my zap, yeah, zap, I figured it's like, a rainbow in a lolly so it would go very well with what I was wearing. Was? I still am. It's very warm in here, probably because of the scarves. It's okay though, because Caitlin was being Zorro, she didn't have a face. Actually, she wasn't being Zorro, she was being 'an Illegal Russian Alien Bandit called Zorro." Which is just a description of Caitlin in general, other than the fact that it is not.
Do you know how this whole dressing up like a complete retard thing started, today at least? I'll tell you. Firstly, we went into 'fancy freds'. I love that there is a fancy dress shop in Monmouth, I really do. Caitlin bought a 'mask', you know, a zorro mask? The one that 'hides everything, except for all your facial features', yes. Anyway, then she decided that she wanted to scare her parents, so she stole Laura's dog's bandana, yes, laura's dog has a bandana. and I stole the pirate hat from lydia which she has bought me for my birthday but shhh I don't know that 'cause I certainly didn't ask her for it or anything. then, her, me, and nat ("he doesn't need a disguise, he's scary already) walked up to the window. Some people stared at us funny then, and that's when the idea appeared in my head. Reactions are good, I thought. So I dragged everyone to my house, spent a while being stuck in my spare room, actually stuck because the dog came in and wouldnt let me get down from the verrryy thin surface I was standing on, good idea that.. then I fell down and I crushed some things and Catherine knocked a box from the wardrobe onto my head (yeah, my spare room is a mess, it's kind of like this blog actually, wheeeeee :D ) and then I threw fancy dress things at people and drew on my face. Then we went to Catherine's house, and she gave Caitlin a sombrero, but caitlin didn't want to wear it so I did. and.. it was weird. Yeah, anyway, s'cool. Because I am.

- Gone for a walk along a possibly never ending path, just because we could.

Me and Caitlin got bored, and we had about.. 6 hours to kill, so we went for a walk. Originally, we were just going to go to the field filled with crops, and take some photos there, but then Caitlin saw a deer in some woods. And that resulted in us having to follow the deer ("BUT CAITLIIIIN, what if the trees fall on us? ahhh theyre creaking, help help help help") until we appeared on a path. Which we followed, for 3 hours..

The other day - and when I say the other day, I mean yesterday, because it was the other day, because it was a day other than this one, yes :) - Caitlin and I went for a three-and-a-half-hour walk. I like walking, so I liked this three and a half hour walk. However what I did discover is that I like woods, other than my phobia of trees, which admittedly would make it very hard to like woods. Here are some things that it is a mistake to say to me when you meet me. The first is 'hey, show me that field where you got lost :) '. The second is 'look, deer tracks!' and the third is 'this path looks vaguely human.' A combination of all three of these means that I will end up taking you through a giant field of someone else's crops (not my own because I don't have any crops, I am not a farmer so I don't have crops because farmers have crops and non-farmers don't, that is one of the main differences between farmers and non farmers unless you are farming something like cows in which case you probably have cows not crops and..) then into some woods and then over a stream and up a hill and then I will probably whimper for a while about being scared of trees because I don't really want trees to fall on my head, and then we will emerge on a grassy path and I will probably yell something about bugs because I don't like bugs, they're kind of like bugs and so they're kind of like scary. Yehuh. Umm and then we will turn onto a vaguely human path and follow it until THE END OF TIME because I really will want to know where it ends up because I have to know and.. we didn't even find the end of it when we went yesterday either, we came to a house but it wasn't the end, it was just a house and the path went on past it but we kind of had to turn around and it took us two and a half hours to walk there, but one hour to walk back, how excellent. We forgot that people existed for a bit and then these old people emerged out of nowhere and we were like 'OMG OMG OMG PEOPLE' and then they were like 'o.O *walks faster in opposite direction*', yeah.

- after-exams party. Whilst dressed as a pirate.

Being dressed like a pirate is an excellent game, I promise. This was after our last exam (I don't even remember what it was, science possibly? probably.), when we all had a secret santa (except not santa, cause, yknow, it wasn't christmas. Yeah?) and sat in a field and had a picnic, made mostly from ice lollies and cake. That's the best kind, really. We also played hide and seek in a crop field. Up until about the point where we found a dead deer. ergh.


- travelled 164 miles to meet someone from the internet.

Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean. Who, up until this point, I had known as Roger. And he had known me as John. No, I'm not really sure why either. For insanity's sake, perhaps? itunesuk has a lot (of brilliant things) to answer for, let me tell you. We'd been speaking over MSN for nine months, I think, before I decided that I was going to be a stalker and meet him. I say stalker, he knew I was coming, so it's all alright. This was actually my 16th Birthday present. A trip to the isle of wight, to meet dean. With two of my friends, and my mother. Thiiis was my birthday, the day after we started going out. (7 months nowww :D) his mother made me a cake. It had pink icing, and silver balls on it. It was a good cake, I was pleased. Ahhh, I miss summer. (as I recall, I also spent the whole train journey, then the ferry, then the train journey on the island, grinning like an insane person. I looked like a maniac, apparently. I don't know why he didn't run away the second he saw us.)
Erm, so anyway, and then three days after the exams end Hazel and Catherine and Soobuck and I will be getting on a bus to Newport. And then probably eating some KFC because kentucky fried chicken is quite my best, especially popcorn chicken, it tastes lovely. Then we will be getting on a train to Portsmouth, and then probably a bus to a hovercraft. Then we will be getting on a hovercraft. And then we will end up in the isle of wight, or possibly at the bottom of the sea but I'd prefer it to be the first option I think. Well, not just think, I know. Then we will be going to a caravan which sleeps six people, even though there are only four of us, see, I did that because I don't want to sleep in a room with soobuck. Soobuck scares me sometimes, like when she laughs like a pirate. Or.. no, lets not go into when Soobuck scares me, there are far too many times. So anyway, we will be going to a caravan which sleeps six people and I will probably bring twenty bottles of sour cherry lemonade and a giant suitcase that is bigger than the entire caravan, full of clothes and shoes. But it's okay, because if it doesn't fit in the caravan we can always sleep in the suitcase, right? I'd imagine clothes would make quite a nice duvet and pillow and.. then we're going to go to the beach, I quite like the beach, I would go to the beach more often if I could, but I can't because I don't live anywhere near a beach, so I go to the river instead, cause that is definitely an ample substitute. I will probably buy some ice cream and some boo bee juice and then Catherine will laugh for about 200 years at 'boo bee', in fact, it is just because of this that I think I will be asking Roger for a nice place that I can hide her and maybe pick her up when we want to get on the hovercraft back. Got one? goood. Actually, it would also be quite good if we could just leave Catherine in that nice place. Brendon urie could be there so she wouldn't mind too much. I'm not sure how we will get Brendon Urie to the isle of wight, probably an elaborate kidnapping plot or something, Or perhaps catherine's plot in which she dresses as a puppy and sits in a basket on his doorstep and he brings her inside because she is really sweet and cute because she's a puppy and then he picks her up and finds out she isnt a puppy but she is a teenage girl who is obsessively in love with him, and then they live happily ever after. After telling me this story once, Catherine then looked over at Mr. Howes and Miss Manners, (I caught this moment on film and I am considering uploading it in a Catherine: The retard chronicles video, later), and said "hey, I wonder if she dressed up as a puppy to impress him?". Which, when told on its own implies that someone has some interesting fetishes. I can't work out whether its Catherine or Howes/Manners, one of them. Anyway, then we kidnap brendon urie and put him in the nice hiding place with catherine. Actually, I don't really want to do that, I quite like Catherine and I probably shouldn't put her in a hiding place forever, that would be bad.
(as you can tell, I have a slight tendency to ramble.)

Yeah, once again, I'll do this later.
Yknow, I covered a year in this post. You should be proud, really.


Monday, 26 January 2009

I have apparently been putting off posting forevs.

So this is a list of things I have done in my life ever. And photos. and more photos. and yup. Apparently this blog is made entirely of photos? I don't know, I think I'm rather obsessed.

So, first, I was thinking about how much people change.. mainly in appearance, but that's simply because I don't remember my thoughts from several years ago.. so yeah.
here are some years and stuffs.

AGE 11


AGE 12


AGE 13


AGE 14


AGE 15


AGE 16


there are billions more, especially for 15 and 16, I just tried to do them as close to yearly increments as I could.. I find age 13 and below quite lolworthy. (:

So I've realised recently that me and my minio-friends.. have done lots of ridiculous things. And I have many many photos of them. and I've put them just about everywhere else, so here seems like an appropriate place too. yup. I'd try and do chronological order, but it's just far too much effort, really.
Soo, I recall having gone to paris, once upon a time. Good times, indeed, although rather long ago. And the food was disgusting, but that's what you get for school trips in year 9, I suppose.

I had so many photos from that trip, but this is the only one that wasn't a blurfail. or edited to have a filmstrip border. I was good at holding cameras still in year nine. (this is why this photo was stolen from holly, yup). Also, my hair was black then. I lol, I lol. I think this is the only photo of me with black hair. I think it's clear to see WHY that's the only photo of me with black hair.
I don't think I actually did anything else, at all, in year 9. Other than, of course, that brilliant hallowe'en, where everyone was dressed as pirates. Other than harri, who was dressed as, er.. a box? Even I didn't understand that. It was startlingly brilliant, though. There might be a photo. I hope there's a photo. I'll look for a photo. Please be a photo. I appear to be procrastinating, I should be looking for a photo, not typing about photos. STOP HANDS STOP STOP STOP.

It appears that I found a photo. Errmm... all I really remember of this was being told we were too old by an old man. That was about all that happened, I think. And that sums up year 9.

Nyeaahh, I'll come back to this later.

Tuesday, 13 January 2009

After solving the global warming problem, with couscous..

I bought some new shoes from asos, they are lovely lovely lovely and I fall over when I walk down stairs now. For serious, it's terrifying. I walk like a really really startled tortoise in them (tortoise = slow, yeah? I don't grow a shell. that'd be ridiculous.)

*lalalala im going to put a picture here*

I spent literally hours playing gourmet chef on my mother's nintendo ds (oh yes, I am cool. really, really cool. yeah.) and as a result I decided to cook dinner. this from someone who melted a pizza once. a frozen pizza.
...I call my dish 'chicken bacon tomato pepper gloop with pasta'. It's brilliant.

I uploaded billions of photographs to facebook. which no-one can be bothered to look at.
By billions, I mean about 900. It's brilliant, I promise.

these are some of my favourites: